Friday, September 1, 2017

Jim-Bob Tries to Attract Girls with Music

 Jim-Bob, while he was hanging out in a great tavern in Nashville, was given some pertinent advice about women by an old musician. Specifically, he told that he would literally have to beat off women with a stick if they saw he was a musician. And Jim-Bob took this communication to heart!

Now the problem is that Jim-Bob was not musically adept; he tried with the guitar, the tuba, and even the kazoo with no success whatsoever.  But that didn't stop Jim-Bob, no way! He happened upon an accordion in a used musical instrument store, and rented it on a monthly basis despite the fact that country musicians rarely preformed on an accordion.

Who does?  Polka music players; and sometimes an accordion is used in Cajun music too. (Among its sins.)

Anyway, Jim-Bob, more or less, learned how to play the accordion. He learned a few standards: "The Beer Barrel Polka," "Pennsylvania Polka," "Moonlight Polka," "Sweet Adeline," "Amazing Grace," and so on. 

And he was successful! It is true: Nashville women are attracted to men who are musicians! Even those who play strange ones. (I think they may make an exception for vuvuzela players, podner!)

Now one evening, he was paying court to this little ole gal named Chloe, who was utterly charmed by his polka music: its sweetness, its melancholy, its liveliness, and so on. However, he was running toward the end of his list of tunes he knew how to play.

Still, Chloe asked for just one more. It was obvious that Chloe was charmed by Jim-Bob. Maybe so far as for Jim-Bob to get her into bed. (Jim-Bob was as crass as some guys we've met.) 

Jim-Bob, in desperation, started playing "Amazing Grace."

Alas for poor ole Jim-Bob, the spell was broken. 



8 comments:

Cloudia said...

Learn more songs, boy!

Grand Crapaud said...

Do they write erotic polka music?

Mike said...

How about learning the music from Jaws?

John A Hill said...

It's no wonder I've never been a ladies' man. I can barely play the radio!

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

What's with ladies and musicians?

allenwoodhaven said...

Great story!

Bilbo said...

I can play the guitar. Of course, the guitar always loses ...

Anonymous said...

Why buy the pig when all you want is some sausage?