Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Channeling too Much "Hamilton"

Texas congressman Blake Farenthold (R - Corpus Christi) has vaulted into prominence lately with the startling announcement that he would like to fight a duel with female Congressperson Susan Collins (R - Maine) over their differences over health care legislation. Apparently, he might have seen or read about the currently popular play on Broadway, "Hamilton," and thought that dueling could be a straightforward South Texas way of reconciling political differences.   

Does he not know that the winner of the famous duel, Aaron Burr, was the villain of the piece; or that dueling is illegal in each of the fifty states? Anyway, the issue behind the health care debate is how best to provide insurance for treatment, not to increase the number of people requiring some form of health care!

Anyway, here is Representative Farenthold and a friend showing what a well-dressed Congressperson should wear for sleep attire. I think, that in the service of full disclosure, each of the other 434 Congresspersons and the100 Senators should also pose in their sleepwear. Except for the ones that sleep in the nude, of course.

Congressman Farentholt and a Friend

For his epic performance in his conduct in public office, and for making the residents of the Lone Star State very proud, he seriously deserves an appropriate award for display on the desk in his office:

Jackass of the Week Award

Sunday, July 23, 2017

New Scope for the Cheerleaders

The Parish School Board officials decided that, in order to justify to the broader and diverse student body and community of Bayou Teche High School, the cheerleaders and cheer squad should support other student and community activities as well. While their presence at football and basketball games was laudable, certain factions of the faculty felt that they should support women's sports and non-sport extracurricular activities. 

Fair enough. The Cheer Boosters contributed mucho dinero to the basketball and football athletic programs, and the school wanted this largess spread to other areas.  Besides, they got enough additional uniforms since Rosie's House of Burlesque and Tanning Parlor donated new uniforms to enhance their halftime performances. In effect, they had an A Cheer Team and a B Cheer Team.

Well, they were a bit more stylish than the ones donated by Bordeaux's Garage and Tire Service!

First, the cheerleaders performed before the School Board meeting, just to boost school spirit as the Board debated dress codes and budget overruns. In a way, it was harder for the school board members voting for stricter dress codes after seeing the bare midriffs of the cheerleaders. The student body saw this as a good sign.

Except for one: the Methodist minister. He did not appreciate being called upon to be a navel inspector, as he was never particularly nautical or naughty.

Girls' volleyball fully enjoyed having cheerleaders at their games; as did girls' softball.

But, by dividing the squad into smaller components, some cheerleaders appeared to cheer the debate team on their debates with other schools.

"Make that argument!" "His reasoning is wrong!" "She has a big butt!" "That's all right team, fight! Fight!

But cheerleaders at matches for the chess club definitely put things in the weird zone! They sometimes spontaneously broke out in cheers. Somehow, Shouting out in unison "king him" or "that's all right team, fight! fight!" was not applicable for that sedentary sport!

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

The Semantics of Cuisine: The Case of Chili

Semantics, the study of meaning and understanding of words, is worth studying for a variety of ways. Among other things, it helps promote communication. 

Most of us would have some dissatisfaction with the Humpty-Dumpty Theory of Words, as illustrated by this quotation:

"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean- neither more nor less."

"The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things."

"The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master-that's all."

Alice was too much puzzled to say anything; so after a minute Humpty Dumpty began again.

"They've a temper some of them- particularly verbs: they're the proudest- adjectives you can do anything with, but not verbs- however, I can manage the whole lot of them! Impenetrability! That's what I say!"

You can definitely not look to me as a semantics adept. See Bilbo for that role. However, I recently encountered a real-life semantics issue when I went to lunch in an unfamiliar restaurant and ordered chili. Perusing the menu, I encountered unfamiliar terms such as "three way" and "five way."

Having committed, I tried this new way of serving chili. I'm not a foodie absolutist; growing up in New Orleans allows one to encounter several different ways of doing things. And, I might chauvinistically add, you might encounter good food even in unexpected places, like school or hospital cafeterias.

Okay, it was a runny meat sauce, served on spaghetti! It apparently had a strong ketchup and Worcester sauce-like flavor, and possibly with cumin and even chocolate notes. Whatever be the sins of this meat sauce, it seemed to be entirely venial when it came to chili powder. Much less actual chiles!*

In short, I had encountered Cincinnati chili! This fare is apparently popular there in the Midwest in cafés on beaneries.

I did not find my experience to be edifying; though I strongly believe in everyone following their own preferences. I suggest, however, that this concoction be referred to as "Cincinnati chili" or even "Cincinnati meat sauce." The term "chili" should be reserved for the chili recipes from New Mexico or Texas.

Except for choices of condiments on hot dogs. I side with Dirty Harry on this issue:

*I like the New Mexican practice of referring to the peppers themselves as "chiles" while the Tex-Mex food is called"chili."

Monday, July 17, 2017

A Divine Comedy

As a little change of pace, let me recommend an offbeat, funny, and totally risqué movie: The Little Hours. 

There's a lot to love in it: lubricious and abusive nuns, randy peasants, witches, a tender ass, a drunken priest, and strange doings set in Medieval times.  

Alison Brie, Kate Micucci, Aubrey Plaza, Dave Franco, John C. Reilly, and others appear in this romp movie that is likely to be unlike anything else you're likely to see this summer. Don't miss this one! You might need to look for it, as it does not fit into the general mold of the Summer Blockbuster and may not be in theatres catering to the usual mall theatre fare.

Furthermore, the storyline comes from one of the tales of The Decameron, by Giovanni Boccaccio (1313-1375). Boccaccio was one racy writer who is a guilty pleasure to read!

Friday, July 14, 2017

Guindon Cartoons

Richard Guindon was a Midwestern cartoonist noted for his quirky cartoons.  I find his cartoons to be a humor delight.  He needs to be honored more as an original of American cartoonists.

An underrated cartoonist from an earlier time.

Monday, July 10, 2017

Playing at Being Cajun

One surprise in traveling to farther parts of the United States is encountering the wild stereotypes people there have about Cajuns and the Acadian Parishes, much less New Orleans. This came across in Alaska around a campfire, where I encountered those remarkable rara aves, a multiaged group of people who spontaneously conversed with strangers. It started innocently enough; having to do with the pronunciation of my name.

"What kind of name is that?"

"Acadian French."

"Ohh! A coonass!* Have you ever paddled one of those long, narrow canoes?"

"A pirogue?"

"Yes, if that's what you people call them."

"Do you have alligators back home?" 

"Uh, yes. We do. And pelicans, muskrats, and nutria also."

"Do you wear shoes back home?" 

"Does your family speak real English or just French?" [Actually, I do best with New Orleans English and a Louisiana dialect of French.]

Now here is where the role of imparting real factual information often takes second place to the Cajun trickster or raconteuse that so easily comes out at this time. And the usual spoken English gradually morphs into a pronounced, exaggerated dialect. These and those becomes dese and doses. Dat's rite! That sounds exotic in places where people say "You betcha!" or drink soda.

"Did ya ever eat alligator?"

"Why no. Dat wouldn't be right. We have a pet gator, Albie, and we wouldn't feel right in eating our beloved pet or his kin. Gators got feelins' too."

And somewhere along in the tale I spun managed to go to school by pirogue instead of riding a city bus. And became barefooted instead of wearing shoes to school with the school color-coded Catholic school uniform. (In our case, brown skirts with white blouses.)

"Whooo-eeee! Swamp girl goes get some educatin'" !

And I need to mention that we drink local beers: Abita, Dixie, and whatever the store sells cut rate. And all of us, hommes and filles alike are handy with a knife. And a fork and spoon, too!

And if I'm really expansive (or full of shit!), I tell of loup-garous, lost Acadian maids and their lovers, Yankee soldiers that got lost while invading the bayous,  moonshiners, swamp monsters, and tomfool politicians who promised too much. And stories of wild parties during hurricanes also can also be told! Apocrypha is never out of style!

My rationale is that, if there is to be a choice between the everyday reality and the exotic, people would rather hear the exotic every time. Especially around campfires.

Yes, it helps to be able to keep a straight face while being a Cajun raconteuse! Anyway, the drama queen in me likes †o be seen as some untamed exotic!

*Using that term in Southern Louisiana does not help to win friends and influence people there, my friens.' Fo' true!.

Saturday, July 8, 2017

Cowgirl Melinda and the Running of the Bulls

Cowgirl Melinda, normally a lass of even temperament and slow to criticize, could make some exceptions at times. She did have a minimal fashion sense, as she commented on why she would not wear jodhpurs while in Captain Randy's Tame Eastern Show. She was neutral during the 2016 election; considering it a serious mess no matter how se looked at it. 

But there is one thing that totally and reliably stuck in her craw. That is that ostensibly sane individuals would go to torrid northwestern Spain in mid-summer, for gosh sake!  And let themselves be chased by bulls! For God's sake: those damned things have horns and they don't blow 'em!

She was, of course, referring to the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona!

Now let's get the flavor of Melinda's thoughts on this:

"Hopping Horehound Cough Drops, buckaroos! You mean there are people so screwed up that they would willingly go to a place where pissed-off bulls get to run down the street and be chased by them? No, these dudes were not sentenced by some barbaric court to be chased and possibly maimed by these raging cattle; they did it on purpose! One even got gored in his gut and another in his scrotum for being on the unlucky end of one of these terrible testy toros!"

"I blame it all on a 1920's hack writer, Hemingway, a Midwesterner who wrote some other Required Reading that we subject high school kids to and tell them it could be worse: It could be Jude the Really Obscure or Great Expectorations!*

And listening to Cowgirl Melinda, this makes a lot of sense. Who in his or her right mind would get in the way of angry bulls? 

*The real deal books were bo-ring! - A.M.B.

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Close the -Gate, Already!

Watergate, which happened sometime in the B. A. (before Angélique) era has spawned the ubiquitous -"gate" suffix as a shorthand to render anything attached to it as scandalous, like Nipplegate or Deflategate

Gee, in the Pretrumpian Era, was there such a stability and orderliness that the Watergate scandal forever shattered that cognitive stability regarding government? Or has the English language become so ossified that we reflexively fall on a few hackneyed terms (or suffixes, in this case) to encapsulate an idea?

The latest thrill ride to evoke the -gate suffix is beachgate now.  Apparently beaches in Jersey were closed due to inadequate funding; but guess who managed to appear like a beached whale on Jersey Shore? No, it wasn't Snooki. Yes, the Tub Guv* in all his splendor. 

I move that '-gate' be included among the List of Banned Words that Lake Superior State University comes out with for 2018. 

*Not to be mistaken for Alabama's former Luv Guv, Robert Bentley.

Monday, July 3, 2017

The Golden Dog

There's an enigmatic decoration on a large building in Quebec City: a golden dog chewing on a bone. By itself, it would be a charming and eccentric ornament to a building; but the inscription with it evokes a disquieting note:

     "Je suis un chien qui ronge l'os,
      En le rongeant je prends mon repose.

     Un temps viendra qui n'est pas venu

      Que je mordrai qui m'aura mordu."

Or in English:
     "I am a dog that gnaws his bone,
    I rest and gnaw it all alone--

     A time will come, which is not yet,

      When I'll bite him by whom I'm bit."

An unusual, cryptic ornament to a building.

However, there is a story behind it.  In the 18th century, it was a private residence of a wealthy merchant Nicholas Philibert. He had a dispute with Bigot, the representative of the Grand Company which had a monopoly on the territory.  Philibert was very popular because most of the colonists felt exploited by the Grand Company and especially Bigot. M. Philibert was an annoyance to the Grand Company who dealt fairly with the colonists.

If this story was true, then the inscription was nothing less than an implied threat.

Here is a credible, detailed recount about possible stories behind the golden dog.

Still, the golden dog is cute.

Monday, June 26, 2017

Tee Tina's Test for Boyfriend Quality

So Tee Tina had a less-than-satisfying time on her date with Tee Thibodaux. Seriously, that boy was always trying to push the limits. After all, a date was a social occasion; not a hands-on experience for him.  But now that she was old enough to see guys, there was the question as to who to spend time with. No one intimidatingly forward, but someone nice and sincere. In other words, real boyfriend material.

Now in consultation with other girls, she explored the idea of selecting guys on the basis of their willingness to take her to Mass on Sunday. This had an appeal on one level; however being seen together at Mass might be mis-read by older people as the two of them being long-term serious. After all, adults might come to expect an impending reading of their banns of marriage at church!

No, too much of a commitment is implied. And no one wants to be talked about by adults over their Sunday dinner; even if it's taken at the Blue Duck Diner or over the picnic table!

Another criterion suggested by some girls was offered: Would the guy take her to see a rom-com? The more romantic, the better. No, the fact is that a demand of that kind might be seen by guys to serve as a prelude to a hot make-out session afterwards. (Tee Tina knew something about how teen guys' brains worked.)

The fact is, you have to kiss a number of toads before you find a real prince. It ain't easy, you know.

Finally, Tee Tina decided on a field test for possible candidates. This was a early sign that she had a scientific bent that she furthered later on in another area at L.S.U.

Her test was straightforward. When she was one on one with a guy, she just happened to have undone three buttons of her blouse while pretending to be apparently oblivious to that fact. To be sure, she was showing more of herself than was socially acceptable! Her reasoning was that a nice guy would point out her predicament in a nice way; and not simply ogle her boobies.

She decided to test her idea on Tee Boudreaux; seemingly a manageable guy.

Anyway, Tee Boudreaux passed her politeness test, though he was a bit abashed to point out Tina's problem. Tee Boo was an innocent about such things. Somehow, saying "Nice pink bra, Tina" lacked subtlety; but Tina read that as Boudreaux offering an awkward compliment.

Anyway, Tee Tina found herself a boyfriend; one polite, caring, and one she could manage quite effectively. Not a bad deal at all.

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

The Modern Fashion of Beards

The hirsute look is making a comeback on guys, after a long night since the late 1800's. Actually, the bearded look became really big during the Civil War; and sort of petered out in the early 1900's And definitely by the beginning of World War I.

From whence did this come? Is it a sign of the incipient rise of sectionalist strife; or did the price of razor blades reach critical mass? Or possibly there are a lot of latent hipsters out there that are lurking behind the camouflage of being accountants or attorneys? Or do hillbillies have a lot of secret admirers?

One reason that has not been raised much before is that some guys favor beards as a blatant sign promising virility on the part of the bewhiskered. In other words, "Have sex with me and I'll ring your chimes every time!" Now that can be as obvious as carrying a sign! And that might explain why lumberjacks are so popular. 

And some Freudian might equate a shave of the whiskers as the guy equivalent to bikini waxing. Do the bearded also prefer the au naturel look for women too? Someone should look into this, because bikini waxing is darn painful! Now that's a 2017 quid pro quo for you!

In the meantime sports figures tend to grow whiskers in profusion. Even the Mariners and other also-ran teams.

Do you think that William Thomson, Lord Kelvin was sexy? You might be susceptible to the lure of the beard! Or perhaps the First and Second Laws of Thermodynamics! Entropy, anyone?

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Music - "Jolie Blonde"

"Jolie Blonde" is the most loved and most played Cajun Song. It's also known as "Jole Blon." Here's Waylon Thibodeaux's rendition:

For the song lyrics in Acadian French and English, go to Jo-El Sonnier's version.

Regretfully, I found no "Jolie Blonde" instrumental involving the accordion. Or maybe, it's just as well, given the reception that accordion music may get.

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Stage Fright and Other Horrible Situations

A few years ago, some budding researchers did a questionnaire asking young university women to rank and label hypothetical horrible situations that might be encountered in everyday settings.  Nothing Earth-shattering horrible, just situations you wished had never come up.

Here are these hypothetical situations:

Naturally, the usual disclaimers should be made: these results are based on an age-limited sample, probably geographically overrepresented, and respondents being highly prone to worry about how they are perceived. Actually, most of the respondents make the assumption that other people are paying strong attention to their doings, which is usually not the case. In fact, people can pass relatively unnoticed if they don't act flustered, make rapid movements, or give themselves away. Inconspicuousness is your friend in those circumstances.

So, fart proudly. Don't feel self-conscious during the Walk of Shame. No one is really looking. Unless you look obviously disheveled. Then fake it!

Friday, May 26, 2017

Gifts for the Postman

The Postman Charlie was making his rounds on the last day before his retirement after 35 years on the job.

He had just delivered the mail at the Smith house, the last one on his route, and turned around to go back to the post office when he heard the door open and a voice say:

"Charlie, wait a minute."

He turned around and saw Sally Smith in the doorway. She was wearing a flimsy robe.

"Yes, Mrs. Smith?" Charlie said.

"Please ... call me Sally. Okay?" she said.


"I heard that you're retiring."

"Yep. Today's my last day."

"Wait there, Charlie. I have some things for you."

She went into the house and came back with a cake.

"It's a chocolate marble cake. If I'm right, you told me once that it was your favorite."

"It is, Sally. Thanks."

"I also have something else for you," Sally said and gave him an envelope.

He opened it and found a card wishing him well during his retirement and a $20 bill.

"Thanks for all the gifts," he said.

"Charlie ... I have one more gift for you."

She opened her robe and revealed to Charlie that she was naked underneath it. She put her arms around him, gave him a big French kiss, and began to grind against him.

She then took him by the hand and led him upstairs to her bedroom, where for the rest of the afternoon it was:


When they were through, Charlie said to Sally, "I appreciate the cake and the card and the $20, and that great sex we had, but ... I wonder why you went through all that for me?"

Sally said, "Last week I was talking to my husband about what to give you for your retirement. He said, 'Screw the postman. Give him a card with some money in it.'"

She paused, then added:

"But the cake was my idea."

Monday, May 22, 2017

Paid Sex Leave for Government Workers?

Recently a Swedish politician in northern Sweden, Per-Erik Muskos, proposed that local government employees receive an hour of paid sex leave per week.  This was promptly shot down by other members of the 31-member government council. Per-Erik's proposal was that this paid leave for sex would help counter Sweden's falling birth rate. When you consider that Overtornea, Sweden, the community in question, is located on the Arctic Circle, you would think that they already had reason enough for sex. Anyway, nice try, Per-Erik!

A lot of things come to mind with the practicality of this proposal being adapted by some American cities or counties. 

Obviously, one issue whether this hour of paid sex leave actually be used in copulatory activities; or will some irresponsible government workers actually spend the time drinking coffee, watching television, gardening, hiking, or eating Swedish meatballs? Will the government require some form of documentation: a signed affidavit, swearing under oath that they had sex, physical evidence, or so forth. Seriously, will this require something like testing or some other intrusive indignity? Will they be asked whether they experienced the big O or not?

Then, there is how government might define sex. Don't laugh. Will some Clintonian criterion define sex only in terms of actual intercourse; or would minor benefits* forms of sexual relations also count? If the justification for this fringe benefit is to increase the birth rate, then certainly this could be for this kind of restriction. Also, some diligent governmental statisticians will have to crunch, or at least massage, the data!

Given that a significant number of workers are unmarried, then a paid sex leave benefit could be seen by some as encouraging premarital sex! That would offend a number of people because of  moralistic issues! Indeed, some states decided to require that government workers get married before this benefit would be available to them. Or, if pregnancy resulted, can you say governmental-elicited shotgun weddings?

Anyway, the two major political parties had a lot to work out with this idea. Democrats were in favor of paid sex leave; but wanted to extend it to all workers, not just government employees. Capitalists were not keen on this, especially for fast food workers, who had to find other means of their employees getting screwed. Bible-Belt Republicans who officially adopted a moralistic stance were opposed; however, a number of them were won over when it was pointed out that they too were government employees and that there's nothing like a little roll in the hay to ease tensions after a long afternoon of sessions or committee meetings!  Also, a telling argument was that government employees canoodling were causing less mischief then as opposed to doing government work. Now that's a concept that anti-big government people can easily grasp!

But a significant attraction for most Democrats and those Republicans was that more government bureaucrats could be hired to deal with paperwork generated by this new governmental benefit. In triplicate, of course. And have the compensated employees give all the gory details! This is to ensure that no one given the paid leave was doing other things, like texting or reading comic books, instead of what they were paid to do!

Nothing more refreshing than a little sex on the taxpayer's dime!

*From the expression, friends with minor benefits.

Friday, May 19, 2017

Irony in Print and an Irritating Expresson

Ever since Alanis Morrissette invented irony, it has been an attitudinal expression of choice among people of a broad range of ages, especially on the internet. Maybe it's a Millennial or Gen-X thing especially, or maybe it's part of a widespread shtick used by late-night comedians that became mainstream. I don't know.

Anyway, a message containing irony or its coarser brother, sarcasm, can be indicated as such by tone, pitch, or facial expression when heard and seen, This is not so easy when the medium is strictly print. Consider a simple sentence: "Good work, men." This can imply a simple praising of a group or (less often) a snide comment, like when a collective effort fails due to incompetence or overlooking something. In speech the hearer can gain a sense of the message; but in print no such reservations are communicated. This is the problem.

On the internet there is the convention that the use of capital letters is the equivalent of shouting, as: "READ THE MANUAL BEFORE USE" as opposed to the more subdued "Read the manual before use." We also need a way to communicate irony or sarcasm as well. Perhaps using something like italics, or boldface, or maybe different colored type would do. Or, we can just admit that irony or sarcasm doesn't easily fly well in written form when used by the unskilled. Jonathan Swift and Voltaire did manage well, though.


And there's that unnecessary phrase, "Just sayin'."  Where did this irritating expression come from?  And what does this mean? Is this an attempt to say something snide or serious without assuming responsibility for ownership? Or is it just a means of filling space with sound? Recently, President Trump seems to use this expression a lot. 

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

A Typeface Confession

Many years ago, I joined three MSN Groups back when MSN did that groups sort of thing. They were Losers, Odd People, and the Brotherhood of Dorks. As you might guess, I was a tween then. I found those groups to be more civil than the old spontaneous chat rooms on AOL.* You could post something under your own pseudonym. (I chose eViL pOp TaRt!) And your own type color. I chose pink, but redder than this one. And Comic Sans MS. He is a sample of it that I had used in this blog. Like a lipstick color I used to use.

Now for some reason or other, Comic Sans is considered disreputable.

I think that it is a good time to rehabilitate Comic Sans. Strike off the chains of convention! Let's have Comic Sans Typeface Liberation! Open up to the possibility of variety.

Down with oppressive rules regarding typeface! We have nothing to lose but our chains! And we should have a more festive typeface if we want to! And more variety! I don't want to be in an all-Times New Roman world.

*Talk about going where I shouldn't!!! Parental controls did have a place back then when I was that age.

Sunday, May 7, 2017

Hollywood Thinking

Now that we seem to be in a continuous cycle of politics all over the place, an unusual phenomenon has arisen: A- and B-list Hollywood actors and actresses endorse statewide political candidates and advocate specific interests for candidates who are not in their states or districts. This has been going on on the National level but now this mania for partisan politicians has crept into the more local levels as well. For example, several of these luminaries have been supporting a Democratic candidate for Congress in Georgia.

Is there not a certain amount of chutzpah in doing this sort of thing? But we're not talking about a humble class of people, on the whole.

Presently, this is largely centered around Congressional candidates. I can hope that this would not also work for state offices. I assume that the maintenance of the streets of Sore Toe, GA or a Georgia State Severance Tax on Hominy* or a bond issue for schools in Whittlemore County is best judged by the people who are going to be most affected. And these are probably not topics for cocktail party conversation in Beverly Hills! Indeed, do these stars ever go back to the states or communities that they recently tried to influence? I doubt whether Alyssa Milano eats hominy; nor would she be personally affected by it being taxed.

Suppose Georgians were to reciprocate election-wise? Would anyone find it strange if Atlanta lap dancers, or Dublin pest control people, or Valdosta peanut farmers were to go to Hollywood to affect elections there? Would they wear Atlanta Braves hats?

Indeed, do those Hollywood types even know what they're talking about?  Do they get their expertise as part of their contracts? Any has anyone considered that their coming from outside to impact an election might earn resentment?

This is particularly true in the South, where they might be viewed as carpetbaggers.

Well, I will end this tirade with a story, in the approved Southern tradition. Back in 1994, Hollywood, Alabama (pop. about 1000) and ten other little Hollywoods successfully fought off Hollywood, CA's attempt to trademark its name and force the little Hollywoods to pay royalties to use the name also.** In fact, Hollywood, Alabama's founding antedated Hollywood, California's!

*Hominy is mined in Georgia. The Great Georgia Hominy Rush occurred in the 1830's.

**This is simply bullying by a big bucks city on the municipal playground.

Thursday, May 4, 2017

Remember "Clippy" or "Clippit"?

I would like to discourse on a genre of "art" that I know none of you, gentle readers, peruses. This is truly weird erotica. No, not something that might have sprung from some sick 19th century Austrian who wound up being a name in vintage Krafft-Ebing books or anime hentai: this is the truly weird.

I won't gross you out with too many specifics. For this, you need to take an abnormal psychology course or at least consult a textbook of that subject. 

Still, I post this as a salute to human imagination and depravity.

Remember Clippy? 

Darn! I forgot most people would rather not. It was an early Windows office assistant; and it was unloved when it was around.

Still, since I brought the little pest up, I just want to report that he made his devious way into specialized erotica.

Here is proof:

I have no idea what this literary depravity is about and do not plan to read it. Goodreads will give you a little more information:

And maybe someone will find a way to save that innocent redhead. If the reader is above age 17.

Saturday, April 29, 2017

Moon Pie Anniversary

Today is the 100th Anniversary of that delectable confection, the Moon Pie. They come in chocolate, strawberry, vanilla, and banana.

Have a Moon Pie and a RC today.

Monday, April 24, 2017

Boob and Bra Haikus

As a poetic form, the haiku can be very adaptable. Here's a sampling of haiku involving boobs. Or, would these be more properly termed senryū?

They're perky, small bounce
I think they are looking great. 
Don't say otherwise.

Why didn't you grow
When everyone else's did?
But that's cool, boobs.
They all lied to me.
Everyone said they'd come
But they never did.

Now here are my boobs
There are only two of them
And I don't need more.

They are nice and small
So I can let them be free
When the weather warms.

The girls are not big
Yes, I am post pubescent. 
My butt is nice too.

Bra in the dryer
Warped, twisted underwires
Boobies lopsided.

Oh yes, I have boobs.
Don't really think about them
Unless I'm jogging.

Cop pulls me over.
Show him a little cleavage
"Have a nice day ma'am"

My girls are quite large
Wish I could wear a v-neck
And not look "slutty"

Mine are fairly small
But at least they are perky.
My butt is curvy.

My boobs are quite cute
They don't hurt me when I run
They're only A cups.

Evening dalliance.
But why is your hand in there?
Not quite now, Big Boy.
Are they real, you ask?
Yes, and they jiggle well too.
No, you can't touch them.

School uniform blouse
My only clean bra is red.
This may not work well.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Some Alternatives to the "Walk of Shame"

The popular term, "Walk of Shame," While in use since Lord-knows-when, does convey the implication that the performer had somehow did something shameful, something that one should be embarrassed with. After all, it does lead to a furtherance of the human race and most of us try it and like it. And mores have shifted away from  the 'oldrules' of the past. But that's a more!

Why not use some affirming concept to designate this early- to mid-morning trip home instead?

And why not have each and all give the walker a fist bump or high five?

Get real, people! Stop playing hypocrite! If you think it's okay, then don't be coy the next day.

In the interest of terminological accuracy, here are some alternatives to the "Walk of Shame":

1. Stride of Pride

2. Just got Laid Parade

3. Traipse of Triumph

4. Slut Strut

5. Post-Coitus Catwalk

6. Morning Cooldown After Cardio

7. Victory Lap

8. Personal Parade

9. After-Sex Saunter

10. Morning Mosey

11. Strut of Success

And dress in what you wore the night before! Carrying your heels is okay on the morning afterward.