Monday, June 26, 2017

Tee Tina's Test for Boyfriend Quality

So Tee Tina had a less-than-satisfying time on her date with Tee Thibodaux. Seriously, that boy was always trying to push the limits. After all, a date was a social occasion; not a hands-on experience for him.  But now that she was old enough to see guys, there was the question as to who to spend time with. No one intimidatingly forward, but someone nice and sincere. In other words, real boyfriend material.

Now in consultation with other girls, she explored the idea of selecting guys on the basis of their willingness to take her to Mass on Sunday. This had an appeal on one level; however being seen together at Mass might be mis-read by older people as the two of them being long-term serious. After all, adults might come to expect an impending reading of their banns of marriage at church!

No, too much of a commitment is implied. And no one wants to be talked about by adults over their Sunday dinner; even if it's taken at the Blue Duck Diner or over the picnic table!

Another criterion suggested by some girls was offered: Would the guy take her to see a rom-com? The more romantic, the better. No, the fact is that a demand of that kind might be seen by guys to serve as a prelude to a hot make-out session afterwards. (Tee Tina knew something about how teen guys' brains worked.)

The fact is, you have to kiss a number of toads before you find a real prince. It ain't easy, you know.

Finally, Tee Tina decided on a field test for possible candidates. This was a early sign that she had a scientific bent that she furthered later on in another area at L.S.U.

Her test was straightforward. When she was one on one with a guy, she just happened to have undone three buttons of her blouse while pretending to be apparently oblivious to that fact. To be sure, she was showing more of herself than was socially acceptable! Her reasoning was that a nice guy would point out her predicament in a nice way; and not simply ogle her boobies.

She decided to test her idea on Tee Boudreaux; seemingly a manageable guy.

Anyway, Tee Boudreaux passed her politeness test, though he was a bit abashed to point out Tina's problem. Tee Boo was an innocent about such things. Somehow, saying "Nice pink bra, Tina" lacked subtlety; but Tina read that as Boudreaux offering an awkward compliment.

Anyway, Tee Tina found herself a boyfriend; one polite, caring, and one she could manage quite effectively. Not a bad deal at all.






Tuesday, June 20, 2017

The Modern Fashion of Beards

The hirsute look is making a comeback on guys, after a long night since the late 1800's. Actually, the bearded look became really big during the Civil War; and sort of petered out in the early 1900's And definitely by the beginning of World War I.

From whence did this come? Is it a sign of the incipient rise of sectionalist strife; or did the price of razor blades reach critical mass? Or possibly there are a lot of latent hipsters out there that are lurking behind the camouflage of being accountants or attorneys? Or do hillbillies have a lot of secret admirers?

One reason that has not been raised much before is that some guys favor beards as a blatant sign promising virility on the part of the bewhiskered. In other words, "Have sex with me and I'll ring your chimes every time!" Now that can be as obvious as carrying a sign! And that might explain why lumberjacks are so popular. 

And some Freudian might equate a shave of the whiskers as the guy equivalent to bikini waxing. Do the bearded also prefer the au naturel look for women too? Someone should look into this, because bikini waxing is darn painful! Now that's a 2017 quid pro quo for you!

In the meantime sports figures tend to grow whiskers in profusion. Even the Mariners and other also-ran teams.



Do you think that William Thomson, Lord Kelvin was sexy? You might be susceptible to the lure of the beard! Or perhaps the First and Second Laws of Thermodynamics! Entropy, anyone?




Saturday, June 17, 2017

Music - "Jolie Blonde"

"Jolie Blonde" is the most loved and most played Cajun Song. It's also known as "Jole Blon." Here's Waylon Thibodeaux's rendition:



For the song lyrics in Acadian French and English, go to Jo-El Sonnier's version.

Regretfully, I found no "Jolie Blonde" instrumental involving the accordion. Or maybe, it's just as well, given the reception that accordion music may get.

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Stage Fright and Other Horrible Situations

A few years ago, some budding researchers did a questionnaire asking young university women to rank and label hypothetical horrible situations that might be encountered in everyday settings.  Nothing Earth-shattering horrible, just situations you wished had never come up.

Here are these hypothetical situations:


Naturally, the usual disclaimers should be made: these results are based on an age-limited sample, probably geographically overrepresented, and respondents being highly prone to worry about how they are perceived. Actually, most of the respondents make the assumption that other people are paying strong attention to their doings, which is usually not the case. In fact, people can pass relatively unnoticed if they don't act flustered, make rapid movements, or give themselves away. Inconspicuousness is your friend in those circumstances.

So, fart proudly. Don't feel self-conscious during the Walk of Shame. No one is really looking. Unless you look obviously disheveled. Then fake it!

Friday, May 26, 2017

Gifts for the Postman

The Postman Charlie was making his rounds on the last day before his retirement after 35 years on the job.

He had just delivered the mail at the Smith house, the last one on his route, and turned around to go back to the post office when he heard the door open and a voice say:

"Charlie, wait a minute."

He turned around and saw Sally Smith in the doorway. She was wearing a flimsy robe.

"Yes, Mrs. Smith?" Charlie said.

"Please ... call me Sally. Okay?" she said.

"Okay."

"I heard that you're retiring."

"Yep. Today's my last day."

"Wait there, Charlie. I have some things for you."

She went into the house and came back with a cake.

"It's a chocolate marble cake. If I'm right, you told me once that it was your favorite."

"It is, Sally. Thanks."

"I also have something else for you," Sally said and gave him an envelope.

He opened it and found a card wishing him well during his retirement and a $20 bill.

"Thanks for all the gifts," he said.

"Charlie ... I have one more gift for you."

She opened her robe and revealed to Charlie that she was naked underneath it. She put her arms around him, gave him a big French kiss, and began to grind against him.

She then took him by the hand and led him upstairs to her bedroom, where for the rest of the afternoon it was:

RIDE SALLY RIDE!

When they were through, Charlie said to Sally, "I appreciate the cake and the card and the $20, and that great sex we had, but ... I wonder why you went through all that for me?"

Sally said, "Last week I was talking to my husband about what to give you for your retirement. He said, 'Screw the postman. Give him a card with some money in it.'"

She paused, then added:

"But the cake was my idea."




Monday, May 22, 2017

Paid Sex Leave for Government Workers?

Recently a Swedish politician in northern Sweden, Per-Erik Muskos, proposed that local government employees receive an hour of paid sex leave per week.  This was promptly shot down by other members of the 31-member government council. Per-Erik's proposal was that this paid leave for sex would help counter Sweden's falling birth rate. When you consider that Overtornea, Sweden, the community in question, is located on the Arctic Circle, you would think that they already had reason enough for sex. Anyway, nice try, Per-Erik!

A lot of things come to mind with the practicality of this proposal being adapted by some American cities or counties. 

Obviously, one issue whether this hour of paid sex leave actually be used in copulatory activities; or will some irresponsible government workers actually spend the time drinking coffee, watching television, gardening, hiking, or eating Swedish meatballs? Will the government require some form of documentation: a signed affidavit, swearing under oath that they had sex, physical evidence, or so forth. Seriously, will this require something like testing or some other intrusive indignity? Will they be asked whether they experienced the big O or not?

Then, there is how government might define sex. Don't laugh. Will some Clintonian criterion define sex only in terms of actual intercourse; or would minor benefits* forms of sexual relations also count? If the justification for this fringe benefit is to increase the birth rate, then certainly this could be for this kind of restriction. Also, some diligent governmental statisticians will have to crunch, or at least massage, the data!

Given that a significant number of workers are unmarried, then a paid sex leave benefit could be seen by some as encouraging premarital sex! That would offend a number of people because of  moralistic issues! Indeed, some states decided to require that government workers get married before this benefit would be available to them. Or, if pregnancy resulted, can you say governmental-elicited shotgun weddings?

Anyway, the two major political parties had a lot to work out with this idea. Democrats were in favor of paid sex leave; but wanted to extend it to all workers, not just government employees. Capitalists were not keen on this, especially for fast food workers, who had to find other means of their employees getting screwed. Bible-Belt Republicans who officially adopted a moralistic stance were opposed; however, a number of them were won over when it was pointed out that they too were government employees and that there's nothing like a little roll in the hay to ease tensions after a long afternoon of sessions or committee meetings!  Also, a telling argument was that government employees canoodling were causing less mischief then as opposed to doing government work. Now that's a concept that anti-big government people can easily grasp!

But a significant attraction for most Democrats and those Republicans was that more government bureaucrats could be hired to deal with paperwork generated by this new governmental benefit. In triplicate, of course. And have the compensated employees give all the gory details! This is to ensure that no one given the paid leave was doing other things, like texting or reading comic books, instead of what they were paid to do!



Nothing more refreshing than a little sex on the taxpayer's dime!


*From the expression, friends with minor benefits.


Friday, May 19, 2017

Irony in Print and an Irritating Expresson

Ever since Alanis Morrissette invented irony, it has been an attitudinal expression of choice among people of a broad range of ages, especially on the internet. Maybe it's a Millennial or Gen-X thing especially, or maybe it's part of a widespread shtick used by late-night comedians that became mainstream. I don't know.

Anyway, a message containing irony or its coarser brother, sarcasm, can be indicated as such by tone, pitch, or facial expression when heard and seen, This is not so easy when the medium is strictly print. Consider a simple sentence: "Good work, men." This can imply a simple praising of a group or (less often) a snide comment, like when a collective effort fails due to incompetence or overlooking something. In speech the hearer can gain a sense of the message; but in print no such reservations are communicated. This is the problem.


On the internet there is the convention that the use of capital letters is the equivalent of shouting, as: "READ THE MANUAL BEFORE USE" as opposed to the more subdued "Read the manual before use." We also need a way to communicate irony or sarcasm as well. Perhaps using something like italics, or boldface, or maybe different colored type would do. Or, we can just admit that irony or sarcasm doesn't easily fly well in written form when used by the unskilled. Jonathan Swift and Voltaire did manage well, though.

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And there's that unnecessary phrase, "Just sayin'."  Where did this irritating expression come from?  And what does this mean? Is this an attempt to say something snide or serious without assuming responsibility for ownership? Or is it just a means of filling space with sound? Recently, President Trump seems to use this expression a lot.